Broken Pieces
by TheShunnedPrince
Summary: Tag to Road Trip (episode 9x10) Dean is falling apart after what Sam said to him, but thankfully he has a certain angel watching over him.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Supernatural. They all belong to Eric Kripke.

Dean felt numb. He usually loved driving his car, but at the moment, it was too stuffy, too hot, and it felt like the walls were closing in on him. He sucked in a shaky breath, and rolled down the windows. The cool night air slapped him hard in the face, and the rain pelted his skin like tiny needles. But the fresh air did absolutely nothing to help clear his mind.

Sam's words were still ringing in Dean's ears. Dean could almost see his little brother, standing in front of him in the pouring rain, the lines of his face etched with betrayal and hatred. Dean could still hear Sam telling him to leave, telling Dean that he should have let his little brother die.

Sure, Dean had said he was going to hunt Gadreel on his own. But the fact that Sam had insisted that Dean leave was what broke Dean. Dean knew he didn't deserve any better. He _had_ made a huge decision for Sam, and had tricked Sam into agreeing. He knew that wasn't something you just forgive. He knew Sam needed time, but it still hurt like hell.

Dean felt his heart beat faster as he remembered how Sam was going to say yes to Death. Sam couldn't really believe that Dean would just let him go, would he?

"Dammit, Sam," Dean said out loud to the empty car. Dean forced himself to take a deep breath, and tried to stop his hands from shaking. He glanced in the rearview mirror, and nearly skid off the road when he saw Castiel's piece of crap Pimp following him.

"Dammit, Cas," Dean muttered, and pulled over. Castiel's car followed.

By now, Dean was shaking all over, and his breath was coming in short, heavy puffs. He felt waves of heat course through him. Sweat accumulated on his brow. He opened the door and tried to get out of the car without falling.

But everything was spinning, and Dean's limbs felt like they weighed a hundred pounds. He tumbled out of the car, and would have landed on the floor in a pathetic heap if Cas hadn't caught him.

Dean could hear Cas calling his name from somewhere far away, but the ringing in his ears was too loud for Dean to care. He leaned forward, and his head came in contact with Castiel's trenchcoat. And in that moment, Dean let himself fall apart.

He buried his head into Cas's shoulder, and Dean distantly felt Cas put his arms around him. Dean felt a tear fall from his eye, and he knew then that it was all over. He choked on a sob, and then he let himself cry.

Castiel had stood with Sam on that bridge in the rain for only a few minutes before Sam rounded on him.

"Go on," Sam said, and Cas furrowed his brow in confusion. "Go after him, Cas. I know you want to." Sam's voice was shaking, and Cas couldn't tell if it was from anger or pent up emotion. He was still new to human emotions and feelings.

"Sam, I-" Cas started, but Sam interrupted him.

"Cas, please go after Dean," Sam said. Cas stared into Sam's pleading eyes, and nodded. He got in his car and drove after the Impala.

When Dean pulled over, Cas was right behind him. Cas was out the door and walking toward the car when Dean tumbled out.

 _Oh lord,_ Cas thought, as he ran to catch Dean before he could fall. Dean fell to his knees and crumpled into Castiel's arms, pulling Cas down to the rain soaked floor with him. Cas could feel Dean shaking.

"Dean?" Cas asked, but Dean was a million miles away. _He is breathing too fast._ "Dean?" Cas asked again, but louder this time. Still no response.

And then Dean's head fell onto Castiel's shoulder, and Cas automatically put his arms around Dean to protect him. Cas could feel Dean's tears wet his trenchcoat, but he didn't care. The sobs wracked Dean's body, and Cas felt his heart break into a tiny million pieces. He pulled Dean closer.

Cas expected himself to feel sad. Instead, he felt angry. He was angry at the world for beating Dean down, angry at Gadreel for killing Kevin, and maybe even angry at Sam for telling Dean to leave. _Human emotion is such a strange thing,_ Castiel thought.

Cas looked down at Dean, and found himself unable to describe the fondness he had accumulated for the hunter. Hesitantly, Cas buried his hand in Dean's short hair, and stroked it in what he hoped was a soothing manner. It must have worked because Dean's sobs became less violent and desperate.

Only once the shaking had subsided did Cas move. He gently detached Dean from his shoulder and held Dean at arm's length. Dean's eyes were closed. There were tear tracks on his face.

"Dean?" Castiel whispered, and Dean opened his eyes. Cas almost flinched from the amount of pain and weariness those eyes held. When Dean blushed and looked down, Cas realized he was staring, and quickly looked away.

"Sorry, Cas," Dean said, and Castiel was confused again.

"What for?" he asked, and Dean stared at the floor.

"For breaking down on you like that," Dean sighed, and he still wouldn't look Cas in the eye. Cas frowned.

"Well, that's what friends are for, aren't they?" Cas asked. To his surprise, Dean flinched.

"I don't know," Dean whispered. Cas sighed. Humans were very complicated creatures.

"You don't know what, Dean?" Cas prompted. Dean slowly dragged his green eyes to meet Castiel's blue ones.

"I don't know if I have any friends," Dean said in a broken voice. "I mean, all of my friends are dead. Crowley was right. I get all the people I love killed. I got Kevin killed, and I let a frickin' angel possess my brother! Hell, I even kicked _you_ out of the bunker so many times when you needed a place to stay! Why would you even want to be my friend, Cas? I'm poison. Everyone around me dies"

Cas felt a bit dizzy from everything Dean had just said. He closed his eyes, contemplating how to reply. Everyone around Dean _did_ die, but that didn't mean it was Dean's fault.

"Dean, none of those deaths were your fault. You let Gadreel possess Sam thinking he was really Ezekiel. It's not your fault Gadreel lied to you. You did it to save Sam," Cas emphasized, but Dean was shaking his head.

"It doesn't matter why I did it, Cas. According to Sam, I should have just let him die." Cas sighed, and tried again, this time repeating what he had said earlier in the day.

"Dean, you did the things you did for the right reason, and sometimes, that's all that matters." But Dean was still staring at Cas like he didn't believe him, and Cas felt hopeless about what to say.

He wanted to tell Dean that everything would be alright, but that would probably be a lie. Then, Castiel remembered a voice, Dean's voice, giving him advice. "When humans really want something, they lie." Cas desperately wanted Dean to be okay. So he decided to lie.

"Dean, everything will be okay," Cas lied. Dean sighed.

"How do you know that, Cas?" Dean asked, his voice breaking.

"I-I don't," Cas stammered, "But I'm here with you right now. So at least for right now, everything is okay." Dean started at Cas for a long time, and Cas found himself doubting what he had said.

"Dean, please," Castiel begged. He had no idea what to say to bring Dean back from the edge. And then Castiel remembered. He remembered what Dean had said to _him_ to bring him back from the edge.

"I'm still your friend because we're like family, Dean. And I need you. I need you, Dean," Castiel said. Dean looked up at Cas, and this time, his eyes held a sliver of hope.

"You need me?" Dean whispered. Cas smiled a little.

"Yes, Dean. I need you. I need you because...because I love you."

There. He had said it. The words felt foreign and bulky coming out of Castiel's mouth, and it was only then that Cas realized how long he had waited to say those three little words to Dean. He had waited too long. But now they were out, and Dean was staring at Cas like he was the most beautiful thing in the world, so Cas decided it was good that he had said it.

It had taken years for Cas to even understand what love _was_. Cas had seen love in many different forms by observing humans, but he never really known what it was like to feel it. But now he realized that he had always known love. Love was the fondness he felt for Dean and Dean only alone. Castiel had known love from the very moment he had raised Dean Winchester from perdition.

"You love me, Cas?" Dean asked, and Cas looked down at him.

"Yes, I do. At least, I think so. Human emotions still confuse me," Cas admitted.

Dean laughed. It was the kind of laugh that sounded as if it had been startled out of Dean, and it was the kind of laugh he only let loose when he was around Cas. To Cas, it sounded pure, innocent; the thing you would least expect from Dean.

As Dean laughed, Castiel was torn between happiness, and confusion.

"Why are you laughing, Dean?" Cas asked, and Dean just gave him a knowing smirk. After a few seconds, the laughter subsided and Dean said,

"Never mind, Cas. How about we get off of the ground?" Dean suggested, and Cas realized that they were still on their knees on the wet, dirty road shoulder. Dean heaved himself up to his feet, and offered a hand to Castiel. Cas took Dean's hand, and they stood together in the dark. After a few minutes, Dean cleared his throat.

"You probably have to go now, don't you?" he asked Cas. Castiel frowned. It was true, he did have to leave, but that didn't mean he wanted to. Dean seemed to read his mind.

"You can leave, I'm fine now," he said.

"Are you sure?" Cas asked, and Dean smiled.

"Yeah. Thanks, Cas. Just...look after Sammy, okay?" he said.

"Of course, Dean," Cas promised, and turned to walk back to his car.

"Hey Cas?" Dean said, and Cas turned around.

"Yes?"

"I, uh…I love you too," Dean said, and Cas could tell his face was turning red in the dark. Cas smiled, and opened his car door.

"Oh, and Cas, I should have said this earlier. You should really get a better car," said Dean, and Castiel frowned.

"Why?" he asked. Dean smirked.

"Because that Pimp's a piece of crap," he responded.

"Well, I like it," Cas said, and Dean smiled.

"Whatever. Bye, Cas."

"Bye, Dean."

Dean got back into the Impala feeling a little better than he had before. He was still hurt by Sam's words, and still drowning in self hatred, but Cas had put him back together for now. So Dean sighed, and put in a tape. The familiar sound of Zeppelin filled the car as the engine roared to life.

Dean wasn't completely healed, but at least now he had an angel watching over him. An angel who loved him.


End file.
